Unifying Values
Clashing Values.
Hard work, generosity, and self-sufficiency. Those are the three top adjectives that define my perception of money. Growing up, I never thought that much about money. It was just always there—and plenty of it in my family. My world was defined by abundant comfort—beautiful homes tastefully decorated by my mother, family vacations to Hawaii and the Virgin Islands, my parents driving Porsches and Mercedes, yet never feeling spoiled. My father, a successful business owner, retired at 47 and spent the next 33 years pursuing his dreams, a testament to the baby boomer ethos of hard work and self-sufficiency.
In stark contrast, my husband's family lived a different narrative—surviving paycheck to paycheck, with groceries sometimes arriving as charitable gifts, and his parents working tirelessly even as they approached 80. My mother-in-law's philosophy of generosity was so profound that saving money felt to her like hoarding from those in greater need, a perspective that initially seemed alien to my more financially secure upbringing.
Even though my husband and I grew up in such opposite worlds, we found it easy to merge our family values around money. We have leaned into our commonalities—a strong work ethic, a generous mindset, and a desire to provide safety and security for our children and for our own future. We are good partners in that regard.
Four years ago, during an Easter Sunday picnic, a moment of profound vulnerability transformed my relationship with my in-laws.. Sitting beside my mother-in-law in the backseat of our van, she confessed her fears and uncertainties about their financial future—not as a plea for sympathy, but as a raw, honest reflection. At that moment, a whisper emerged within me: "She has given away everything to everybody for her whole life—now it's your turn to give something to her." This revelation led my husband and I to embark on a sacrificial project in 2020, extending our home to build an apartment on our property, creating a haven for my in-laws within their limited means. Though the journey has not been without moments of resentment and sacrifice. Sometimes their values seem to crash into mine, but sharing my resources has ultimately become a powerful testament to a love that transcends financial boundaries—a love that recognizes wealth is measured not by monetary accumulation but by the capacity to honor, support, and genuinely care for one another.